Save Marriage And Avoid Divorce

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Are you struggling with your marriage? Have you had marital problems that cannot be ignored or easily dismissed like in the past? Are your at your wit’s end about what to do? If so, then you probably are desperate for someone to save this marriage and make it work. If you married your partner, there was obviously love there at some point. Most people do not enter into matrimony for no reason at all, so there were great bonds and connections between you two that are worth keeping. This article will give you resources you can use to get help and save this marriage.

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Marriage Counseling

The best way to salvage any ruined relationship is through professional counseling. Many people do not follow up on this, though, because there is a negative perception out there about counseling. Counseling, no matter what you may have heard, is not for the weak. You are not ‘crazy’ if you go seek professional help – you just need help! Bringing your partner into a meeting with a trained therapist will help you two sort through your problems through neutral, middle-ground communication. This way, your discussions do not degenerate into shouting matches – which help no one. If you have not visited a licensed and qualified marriage counselor, then I recommend you do that as soon as possible.

Journals

If you do not currently keep a journal, it would be a good idea to start. Devote this journal to your marriage, your daily interactions between you and your spouse, and your inner thoughts and feelings. Write as much down as you possibly can. This introspection is a great way to accomplish two things: monitoring your own thoughts; and coming up with material for your counseling. This is not, though, intended to criticize or attack your spouse. Rather, this is a way for you to vent what you feel and try and figure out your emotions in a calm, methodical manner.

Self-Help Books

Your local bookstore will more than likely be completely filled with self-help books written by experts who want to help you save this marriage. While not all books are created equal (and some are written by kooks), there are a multitude of quality instructional guides out there that will not only offer solutions, but will motivate you and your partner. Let’s face it: a problem of this magnitude virtually requires professional intervention. This is the same reason why you should pursue counseling, like we discussed above. Plus, many of these books and guides have exercises you and your partner can do to improve communication, build trust, and air out issues that may have been smoldering for some time.

A Mutual Friend

Lastly, one of the best resources you can use to save this marriage is to bring a mutual friend into the fray. Now, this is not so you two can try and make your friend choose sides. It is to bring in a neutral party that has close relations to you both as a mediator. What’s more is that this person can be a friend to the relationship as a whole, not just either of you as individuals. A good mutual friend will help you two communicate on a more personal level, so do not take this resource for granted.

If you want to save this marriage (and I assume you do), then the first step is to utilize your resources. Knowing who can help and what help they offer is wonderful and can truly assist you as you navigate through these rough waters.

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If you have ever found yourself frustrated to the point of tears or throwing something against the wall, and have a lot of pent-up anger or sadness about the state of your marriage, then know that you are in good company. Everyone who is or has been married has or has had problems with their marriages. There is no exception. To help, I have listed four such examples people say, and have offered solutions that could help if you have ever thrown your hands up and said “Help my marriage!”.

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“He/She just doesn’t listen when I talk!”

If you believe your partner isn’t listening, then it probably isn’t because they’re ignoring you. It’s more than likely because they disagree with what you’re saying. This is where open and honest two-way communication is crucial. People tend to tune others out when they disagree with what is being said. And the way you approach a topic is crucial to whether or not your partner will respond. Take care to be calm, reasonable, and patient when you bring up a complaint, and do not be negative or condescending. If you do this, and he or she still does not respond, then you have done all you can and professional help is needed.

Help My Marriage! “We just don’t have anything in common.”

Sure you do! If you didn’t have anything in common, you two wouldn’t be together. As it is, there are connections and bonds between you two that once existed and probably still do, under the surface. Your job is to find those commonalities and bring them out. It can even be something as simple as a favorite activity of yours. Do you two enjoy miniature golf? Do you both love to watch movies? Anything can be used as a spark; you just have to dig a little deep sometimes. But it is there.

Help My Marriage! “He/She is jealous of me having friends of the opposite sex.”

If marriage is the Titanic, then jealousy is an iceberg. Being jealous of anyone is bad, but being jealous of guys or girls that hang out with your significant other is worse because it invokes bad feelings. Plus, it makes you look insecure and unconfident, which is a turn off. Talk to your partner about the role your friends play in your life. Be sure to reaffirm your devotion to your partner, and go out of your way to prove that there is not anything bad or negative about your relationships. You may not feel like you shouldn’t have to (and you shouldn’t), but sometimes, in the long run, sacrificing a little will go a long way to help.

But if this jealousy continues after a reasonable period of time, something else is wrong.

Help My Marriage! “My mother-in-law hates me!”

Most of the time, when people say this, the mother-in-law still doesn’t hate them. But even if they do, it should not affect your marriage. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things, families do not matter. Now, I’m not saying that family isn’t important. It is. But you married your spouse, NOT his or her family, and definitely not your mother-in-law. As long as your spouse is happy with you, then do not worry about what his or her family thinks. He or she should be taking your side anyway.

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Picture the scenario. A husband and wife meet up at the end of a long workday. They sit down on the couch, tired, and almost immediately begin to bicker and fight over trivial details. Soon, the argument escalates into something more, about past events or about ongoing issues. Before they know it, they have left each other in a huff to be alone, frustrated at yet another difficult day in the married life. Sound familiar? This situation is very common today, and with the divorce rate as high as it is, the prognosis for marriage does not look good.

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Marriage is a chore and a duty, one that can be very aggravating. It can also be very fulfilling though, if both partners can get along with each other. If you do not believe that it can be done, and are having doubts about your own marriage, then please read the following story and judge for yourself:

“My name is Kathy. I am 38 years old and have been married to my husband, Mike, for 7 years. I married my first husband in college at the age of 21, and it was a disaster. We fought on and off for years, over big issues and little ones, until finally we decided to call it quits four years later. I was 25 then. I basically had given up on saving my marriage then because I was scared by how incompatible two people could be. That is why I wanted to get out. I started dating on and off, met a few nice guys, but nothing really serious developed until I was 29, when I met Mike.

When we met, I was a teacher and Mike was an advertising agent. We hit it off right away and dated seriously until we got married 7 years ago. At first, like with my first marriage, it was wonderful. Saving my marriage was never an issue because there weren’t any major problems between us. But soon Mike was switched to corporate sales, and he started being away for long periods of time. This took a direct toll on us and started impacting our marriage, to the point where I had to start thinking about saving my marriage from yet another divorce.

I was lost and confused and didn’t know how I could start saving my marriage. I was almost at wit’s end until I met Charles, my marriage counselor. Me and Mike began going to see Charles once a week. In his office, both me and Mike could vent our frustrations – me about him being gone; him about me not supporting his work. There were a lot of unspoken things that we had kept silent that needed to be released, and once they were, Charles helped us to develop communication strategies that really let us be open and frank with each other.

Mike eventually took a job that did not require as much traveling, and I started being more supportive of his career. This would not have been possible without Charles’s help in saving my marriage. We have been going strong for 4 years after that and I couldn’t be happier.”

Reading Kathy’s story, you may have noticed similarities between it and your own life. They grew apart because of distance, but really, it could be anything – especially what is dividing you right now. What made it better? Seeking professional help. This is why you should seek out a qualified marriage counselor. This story should let you see that marriage counseling really does work and often is the only way to start saving your marriage successfully.

So, if you have not done so already, make an appointment with a marriage counselor of buy a proven step by step guide to save your marriage and get to the bottom of your problems today. I think that you will not be disappointed.

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