Help! Save My Marriage
August 3rd, 2009
Is your marriage on the rocks? Does it seem like that relationship that was once so special and so glorious is coming to an end? Do you feel helpless to stop this process? Many people just like you go through these struggles and emotions on a daily basis; unfortunately, they do not always know how to repair the damage that has been done. This is why nearly 55% of marriages end in divorce – because people ask “Help save my marriage!” and get no response.
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This does not have to be. There is help out there if you need assistance and guidance. While this article is by no means exhaustive, hopefully it will point you in the right direction for your relationship so you can get the guidance you seek. No longer will you have to ask “Help save my marriage” without getting a response. Just follow the advice given here and you will be on your way.
People Have Different Needs
Believe it or not, you and your spouse have different needs. Now, this is not the same as having different desires. This is talking about your innate needs regarding communication and contact, which all ultimately have to deal with whether or not you or your partner feels loved. Some people feel loved whenever they receive compliments. Others feel loved when they are with their partner. Still others feel loved when they are being physically intimate (not necessarily having sex). The truth is, there are many different needs out there. Your job is to acknowledge this fact and find out what makes your partner feel loved and wanted.
Saying “Help save my marriage” first means learning this crucial piece of information.
Communication Is Key
In marriages, we have a habit of not wanting to tell our spouses everything. The motives may be varied in our heads – we do not want to hurt them, or do not want to make their lives complicated, etc. But ultimately, it all boils down to selfishness. I too once asked others to help save my marriage, and they told me that I needed to be open. I made excuses about this, saying, “Well, I am not going to tell her how I feel about her actions or about this or that because I want to protect her and do not want to cause trouble”. That line of thought, though, is selfish because my true motive was to avoid getting in trouble.
In the end, you have to realize that honest communication is selfless. If it is honest, it is selfless; if it is selfish, then it isn’t honest.
Synthesize Your Lessons
Everything in the conflict resolution process is related, just like everything in a marriage. Take the two above lessons and synthesize (combine) them into one plan. If honest communication is key, and people have different needs, then you and your partner should honestly tell each other what they genuinely need as far as emotional connection goes. Then, you have to honestly pursue your partner’s specific need. If they like getting gifts, give them gifts. If they like having things done for them, then do things for them. Do not assume that their need is inferior, and do not assume that you are doing them a favor by not being honest.
All of this will answer your plea of “Help save my marriage”, if you follow it consistently. I hope this advice has helped you towards your goal of a happy marriage. Good luck!
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