If you have ever found yourself frustrated to the point of tears or throwing something against the wall, and have a lot of pent-up anger or sadness about the state of your marriage, then know that you are in good company. Everyone who is or has been married has or has had problems with their marriages. There is no exception. To help, I have listed four such examples people say, and have offered solutions that could help if you have ever thrown your hands up and said “Help my marriage!”.
“He/She just doesn’t listen when I talk!”
If you believe your partner isn’t listening, then it probably isn’t because they’re ignoring you. It’s more than likely because they disagree with what you’re saying. This is where open and honest two-way communication is crucial. People tend to tune others out when they disagree with what is being said. And the way you approach a topic is crucial to whether or not your partner will respond. Take care to be calm, reasonable, and patient when you bring up a complaint, and do not be negative or condescending. If you do this, and he or she still does not respond, then you have done all you can and professional help is needed.
Help My Marriage! “We just don’t have anything in common.”
Sure you do! If you didn’t have anything in common, you two wouldn’t be together. As it is, there are connections and bonds between you two that once existed and probably still do, under the surface. Your job is to find those commonalities and bring them out. It can even be something as simple as a favorite activity of yours. Do you two enjoy miniature golf? Do you both love to watch movies? Anything can be used as a spark; you just have to dig a little deep sometimes. But it is there.
Help My Marriage! “He/She is jealous of me having friends of the opposite sex.”
If marriage is the Titanic, then jealousy is an iceberg. Being jealous of anyone is bad, but being jealous of guys or girls that hang out with your significant other is worse because it invokes bad feelings. Plus, it makes you look insecure and unconfident, which is a turn off. Talk to your partner about the role your friends play in your life. Be sure to reaffirm your devotion to your partner, and go out of your way to prove that there is not anything bad or negative about your relationships. You may not feel like you shouldn’t have to (and you shouldn’t), but sometimes, in the long run, sacrificing a little will go a long way to help.
But if this jealousy continues after a reasonable period of time, something else is wrong.
Help My Marriage! “My mother-in-law hates me!”
Most of the time, when people say this, the mother-in-law still doesn’t hate them. But even if they do, it should not affect your marriage. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things, families do not matter. Now, I’m not saying that family isn’t important. It is. But you married your spouse, NOT his or her family, and definitely not your mother-in-law. As long as your spouse is happy with you, then do not worry about what his or her family thinks. He or she should be taking your side anyway.
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